The Stages of Change: A Map for Meaningful Life Shifts

Change is rarely a straight line and more like a winding path.

Whether you're trying to break a habit, adopt a new routine, leave a relationship, explore your identity, or recover from trauma - the process can be slow, messy, and full of setbacks.

That’s why understanding how change happens can be just as important as knowing what needs to change.

The Stages of Change model (also known as the Transtheoretical Model) was originally developed in the 1980s by Prochaska and DiClemente to understand how people overcome addiction. While it was first used in substance use treatment, the model offers valuable insight for any kind of personal growth or transformation, and even helps guide how we support others through their own process.

The Six Stages of Change

This model describes six distinct (but non-linear) stages. People can move forward and backward through these stages, skip some altogether, or get stuck in one for a long time. There’s no wrong way to move through change.

1. Precontemplation: “What problem?”

At this stage, the person isn’t yet thinking about change. They might not see their behavior as an issue, or may feel defensive if it’s brought up. They might feel hopeless or resigned, especially if they’ve tried and failed before.

Helpful support at this stage:

• Avoid pressure or persuasion.

• Focus on building trust, curiosity, and compassion.

• Share information gently, only when invited.

  
  

2. Contemplation: “Maybe something needs to change…”

Here, awareness starts to build. The person may feel ambivalent, recognizing the impact of their behavior, but unsure about how to shift it. This stage is full of internal debate, often lasting a long time.

Helpful support at this stage:

• Listen without rushing.

• Ask open-ended questions: “What would it look like if this changed?”

• Validate the complexity of mixed feelings.

  
  

3. Preparation: “I’m getting ready to make a change.”

There is now a stronger commitment to change. The person might start making small steps such as researching options, telling others about their plans or concerns, and setting intentions. They appear to be gearing up - even if they’re still unsure exactly how to do it.

Helpful support at this stage:

• Offer encouragement and resources.

• Help with goal-setting or finding support systems.

• Reinforce the importance of realistic and compassionate expectations.

  
  

4. Action: “I’m doing the thing.”

This is where visible change happens. The person is actively modifying their behavior or situation. It’s an intense phase that can bring both excitement and overwhelm.

Helpful support at this stage:

• Celebrate effort and progress - not perfection.

• Offer practical support.

• Remind them that setbacks are part of the process - not a sign of failure.

  
  

5. Maintenance: “This is becoming part of my life.”

Sustaining change over time is hard work. In this phase, the person builds new habits and routines, and strengthens their identity around the change.

Helpful support at this stage:

• Recognize their growth.

• Encourage reflection and resilience.

• Help them prepare for lapses or difficult periods.

  
  

6. Lapse or Relapse: “I slipped up.”

Lapse / relapse or returning to old patterns isn’t a failure - it’s a normal part of most change journeys. It offers a chance to learn more about triggers, patterns, needs, what might help better, and take the learning from trying already.

Helpful support at this stage:

• Avoid shame or blame.

• Reflect together on what happened or what might help next time.

• Reassure them that they can return to change at any point if they choose to.

Why This Model Matters - Beyond Substance Use

While originally developed for addiction recovery, the Stages of Change model applies to any process of growth, such as:

• Leaving unhealthy relationships

• Healing from trauma

• Coming out or transitioning

• Managing burnout or setting boundaries

• Changing careers or identity roles

• Addressing disordered eating or body image

• Learning to rest or put yourself first

  
  

It helps normalize that ambivalence, fear, and returning to old patterns are not signs of failure - they’re expected parts of transformation.

How to Use the Stages of Change Model to Support Others

We often want to help the people we love, but our support can sometimes backfire when it doesn’t match where someone is in their process.

This model helps you:

• Recognize when someone isn’t ready for advice, even if you see the problem clearly.

• Know when to step back and when to lean in.

• Practice compassion and patience when someone seems stuck.

• Understand your own frustration, guilt, or overfunctioning in the support role.

• Avoid burnout or codependency by meeting people where they are, not where you wish they were.

Final Thoughts: Change is a Winding Path - Not a Straight Line

True change is rarely quick or clean. This model gives us a way to understand that each stage has value, even the ones that feel frustrating or stagnant. If you’re navigating change yourself or walking alongside someone who is, knowing the stages can help you find more compassion, clarity, and strategy.

You don’t have to do it alone. If you’re curious about how to move through change in a sustainable, respectful way, I’d be honoured to support you.

Ready to explore change - or support someone you love through it? You can book a free consult call at https://www.coretraumatherapy.com.au/book-online, or learn more about how we work https://www.coretraumatherapy.com.au/services.