Understanding the Different Types of Attraction

Attraction is often spoken about as though it’s one single experience - but actually attraction is multifaceted. People can feel drawn to others in many different ways that don’t always involve romance or sexuality. For many of us, slowing down to notice what kind of attraction we’re feeling can reduce confusion, build self- awareness, and support healthier boundaries in relationships. 

The Different Types of Attraction 

While everyone experiences attraction differently, here are some common categories: 

• Platonic attraction The pull to form a close, non-romantic friendship or companionship. This might feel like wanting to spend time with someone, talk deeply, or build trust and support. 

• Romantic attraction A desire to build a romantic connection, often involving emotional intimacy, commitment, or partnership. This can exist with or without sexual attraction. 

• Sexual attraction Feeling drawn to engage in sexual activity with someone. For some, this aligns closely with romantic attraction; for others, it’s separate or doesn’t occur at all (asexuality being one example). 

• Aesthetic attraction Appreciation of someone’s appearance or style, without necessarily wanting a romantic, platonic, or sexual relationship with them. 

• Sensual attraction Wanting to engage in non-sexual touch or physical closeness, such as hugging, cuddling, or holding hands. 

• Emotional attraction Being drawn to someone’s inner world; their personality, values, or emotional depth - often fostering a strong sense of connection. 

Understanding these distinctions can be especially helpful for people navigating complex relationships, or for anyone exploring their identity and needs. 

Reflection Questions 

Here are some prompts to help you reflect on what type(s) of attraction you might be experiencing: 

• Do I want to be close to this person physically, emotionally, or both? 

• Is my attraction more about admiration, companionship, intimacy, or something else? 

• How do I feel in my body when I think about being near this person? 

• If physical or sexual intimacy were not possible, would I still want this connection? 

• Am I drawn to their appearance, personality, energy, or something else entirely? 

There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to experience attraction, the key is noticing what’s happening for you and communicating clearly with yourself and others. 

Why This Matters 

Many people experience confusion when attraction doesn’t “fit the script” they’ve been taught (for example, believing that romantic attraction must always include sexual attraction, or vice versa). By understanding the nuances of attraction, we can: 

• Honour our authentic feelings. 

• Navigate relationships with more clarity and honesty. 

• Build healthier boundaries. 

• Reduce shame or self-doubt when our experiences don’t match societal norms. 

This is especially important for folks who are neurodivergent or those who are navigating queer relationships, where social pressures and assumptions about attraction and partnership can be amplified. Queer relationships may involve diverse combinations of romantic, sexual, and emotional attractions that don’t always align with heteronormative scripts, making self-awareness and communication even more vital. 

Accessing Counselling Support 

Working with a trained counsellor can provide a safe space to explore your experiences of attraction, identity, and relationships. Counselling can help you: 

• Clarify your feelings and needs. 

• Navigate complex or conflicting attractions. 

• Communicate boundaries and desires in your relationships. 

• Process shame, anxiety, or societal pressures around queer identities. 

Counsellors experienced in gender, sexuality, and relationship diversity can support people in understanding their attraction and fostering authentic, healthy connections with themselves and others. 

Further Reading and Resources 

If you’d like to explore more, here are some helpful resources: 

• The Trevor Project: Asexuality and Attraction 

• AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) 

• Planned Parenthood – Understanding Attraction 

• Bogaert, A. F. (2015). Understanding Asexuality. Rowman & Littlefield. 

• Diamond, L. M. (2003). “What Does Sexual Orientation Orient? A Biobehavioral Model Distinguishing Romantic Love and Sexual Desire.” Psychological Review, 110(1), 173–192. 

• GLAAD: Understanding Sexual Orientation & Identity